Depression: An Illness Not A Character Flaw

An Illness, Not a Character Flaw

Ramadan Kareem! This month’s post is more controversial than any of my previous posts. However, I feel it’s important to share my story with you to help anyone in the same position.

I’m not exactly sure when I developed the belief that my depression was a result of poor faith and lack of connection with Allah, but I can trace it’s origins when my mother first converted to Islam. I was 13 at the time and had taken the morning off school to come and see her conversion ceremony. After I watched my mother say her sahadah (declaration of faith); La ilaha illallah muhammadur rasulullah (I bear witness that there is no deity but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah); in the presence of the Imam, a speech was given. The speech told my mother now she is Muslim; her prayers will take away her pain and she will be protected from anxiety, depression, and sadness.

Well-intended words of advice and I have absolutely no anger or mal feelings towards the speaker. However, this opinion that prayer will remove depression is not usually true for person with bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a biological disposition and is usually not eliminated by prayer alone. Perhaps my depression is Allah’s test for me. Perhaps my depression does not mean my prayer is not connecting with Allah or that I am not loved by God. Rather, my depression may be a test from Allah to see if I will be patient, remain steadfast and call on Allah for help. As the Qur’an advises “be patient over what befalls you.”. This suggests pain will befall a believer, and it’s all about patience regarding this pain.

Depression is often not a result of your past mistakes, lack of faith or great attachment to the life of this world but is simply illness. Yes, sometimes our decisions can cause us sadness and regret. But often our depression is nothing to do with what we did and everything to do with what was destined for us and our test from Allah (swt).

Think if pious people were not meant to experience pain, then why would Prophet Joseph (pbuh) lose his eyesight as result the grief of losing his son Yusef (pbuh)? Why would Job (pbuh) call out to Allah, “Indeed, adversity has touched me” in the Qur’an if we were not meant to undergo suffering and pain? Why would Prophet Yusef be imprisoned? Pain doesn’t mean we are far from God. It could be that our depression is our test from Allah (swt) and by working through our pain with medical treatment, patience, and prayer, we are making ourselves closer to Allah and perfecting our souls.

One Imam even goes as far to say that suffering and pain is one of the biggest blessing of Allah. He is of the opinion that because the Prophets underwent so much suffering in their lives, then pain (including depression) must be a sight that God loves us by putting us through trail so that we can call out to Him to help us.

“If pain wasn’t the biggest blessing, why would Allah give it to his most beloved subjects, The Prophets?” – Ibn Arabi

Narrated by Abu Huraira (RA);

Allah’s messenger said “If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trails.”

Sahih Al-Bukhari 5654

The suffering of pious people is frequently mentioned in the Qur’an, not in the least in the suffering of Maryam (as). When giving birth to Esa (pbuh), Maryam said ‘Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.’. How much pain could Maryam have been in to call out and say this? Some pain is part of the human condition and does not demonstrate that we are not loved by Allah. Rather, pain could possibly be a test from Allah to see if we will remain steadfast in religion despite our pain; and if we will call on Allah to help us and complain of our suffering to him.

Not too dissimilar to this, in the Book of Dreams, Al-Bukhari reported that the Prophet used to go the tops of mountains with the intention of throwing himself off. To elaborate, “when the Divine inspiration paused for a while and the Prophet became so sad, as we have heard, that he intended several times to throw himself from the tops of high mountains. Every time he went up the top of a mountain in order to throw himself down, Jibreel would appear before him and say: “O Muhammad! You are indeed Allah’s Messenger (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in truth,’’ whereupon his heart would become tranquil and he would calm down and return home.” (The sealed nectar).

In. the future, I hope to look a this blog post when I’m depressed to remind myself that God is not punishing me with depression, but it is simply my test from Allah. I just need to remain patient and steadfast.

References:

Darussalam Publishers; Al Mubarakpuri, Safiur Rahman. The Sealed Nectar | Biography of Prophet Muhammad (pp. 94-95). Darussalam Publishers. Kindle Edition.